In recent years, an increasing number of expectant fathers are actively providing support to their partners during pregnancy and childbirth. This not only benefits men’s health but also has a positive impact on women and their prospective children. Nevertheless, as a Reddit user discovered firsthand, some partners may not be adequately prepared for the challenges associated with welcoming a baby into the world.
The story of a woman from Reddit
One day, this text appeared on Reddit. It was written by a woman in desperate need of advice and support:
My husband & I are expecting. This is our first baby and we’re excited. Thing is he barely attends any doctor appointments with me and his excuses aren’t even valid. He’s willing to miss the doctor appointment over soccer or board game with friends. His response is always, “I’m not the one carrying the baby, why do I have to go see the doctor with you?”.
Last week was my final straw. He was supposed to come with me for the baby’s gender reveal appointment, but he chose to not come last minute because his friend invited him to fish ’n’ chips meal. I was pretty livid but didn’t make a fuss about it. Mom went with me instead.
He texted asking me to tell him the results (boy or girl), but I refused to tell him. He kept spam calling me, but I hung up each time. He came home fuming demanding I tell him the results, but I refused. I bluntly told him since he refused to attend the appointment then he gets no results til after the baby’s born and said I was wiling to die on this hill.
He went off calling me spiteful and immature for doing this and punishing him. He said he’s the father and has the right to know. He then called me dramatic since I wasn’t alone and mom was with me. I said he gets no results period.
He’s been fuming about it and told his family, and they’re now pressuring me to stop playing mind games with him and tell him, but I declined.
Supporting strangers on the internet
This story generated thousands of comments. People from different countries, each with their own life experiences, tried to help the pregnant woman:
Comment 1:
Good. Let him. Better to get his honest self out in the open right now. Better to know he’s a deadbeat now after a decade of miserable marriage. How he handles this really easy stuff right now is an excellent forewarning for how he’ll be after the baby is born. This is only a bump in the road. You need to know how his emotional suspension will handle before they get utterly totaled down the line.
Comment 2:
He probably wants to know the gender to brag to his friends. Let him sweat some. He can’t be too excited since he said he “doesn’t” feel like he needs to go with her cause he’s not pregnant. Most guys would want to go with their pregnant wife to doctor appointments.
Comment 3:
To be clear, this is not a gender reveal appointment – it is a full anatomical scan in which they check every organ and limb for potential issues, and as a side note, can also often tell you baby gender. So partner is just leaving their pregnant partner to attend a lengthy and scary appointment on their own.
It’s like he doesn’t even care about his child. Doesn’t he want to hear the baby’s
heartbeat, find out everything about them. Since the mum is carrying the child, the only way the father can know information and be involved is to go to the doctors appointments.
Comment 5:
I’m honestly concerned about the type of father your husband would be. For anyone that ends of spamming you about this just text back. “My husband thought being at the anatomy scan is so important, that he he prioritized going for fish n chips with his buddies. If you want to find out the gender of the baby, I suggest you put some pressure on him to behave like a father.”
Comment 6:
At my 20 weeks scan we found out there was an issue with baby’s brain and had to be referred to fetal medicine. Totally terrifying and cannot imagine my husband having left me to find that out without him. Pisses me off when people call it gender reveal scan – that’s not it’s purpose.
Comment 7:
At my 20 weeks scan we found out there was an issue with baby’s brain and had to be referred to fetal medicine. Totally terrifying and cannot imagine my husband having left me to find that out without him. Pisses me off when people call it gender reveal scan – that’s not it’s purpose.
Comment 8:
Seriously! My wife is 24 weeks pregnant, and I have been at every doctor’s appointment, and will continue to do so as much as I can (there will be a ton of appointments as we draw closer to delivery, so I may end up missing some of those, but I’m going to make as many as I possibly can). That 20 weeks scan was a lengthy, important appointment, and I can’t imagine anything would have made me miss it!
Comment 9:
If I chose to hang out with friends instead of going to my wife’s doctor appointments with her for our kids I’d expect every one of my friends there to make me feel bad about myself. Anyone that surrounds themselves with friends that are fine with this doesn’t deserve to be involved. Honestly, not sure why y’all are together. If he doesn’t care about literally one of the most important things you’ll ever do together I’m not entirely sure what he’s bringing to the table.
The story continues
Suddenly, a few days later, the story had a sequel. The author has added below what happened next in her life:
Hi! So, first of all, wow! I did not expect this to blow up. Sorry, can’t answer any comments because of feeling overwhelmed. I just wanted to mention that my husband just attempted to contact my doctor to get the results. It didn’t go well and we had another argument over it. He couldn’t get it since his mom was the one who made the call. © Thrownoreveal1 / Reddit
No matter how much they prepare for their new role, expectant parents do not always realise that the arrival of a child will change their lives forever. Being a mother and father is like a rollercoaster ride. And only mutual support and respect can help them cope with this challenge. We hope that this couple will find their way to each other and become the best parents for their baby.